That Really Nice Mean Girl

Do you know her? I do. She’s the girl who is always so sweet. She smiles at you a lot, offers words of encouragement, and has a true, deep sense of empathy towards others. She has this unique way of listening, and solving problems. Talking to her makes you feel better, better about yourself, and about life in general. She is just so nice.

She takes care of others, multitasks like a champ, and somehow, even when the odds are stacked against her, she manages to get everything done. Her family and friends feel taken care of, safe, and secure. She is efficient at work, at home, and at play.

She hardly complains, and never really let’s you in. She pastes a smile on her face even when her heart is breaking, because she doesn’t want to bring you down. She’s the one always telling you it will all work out, everything is going to be okay, and she makes you believe it because you can see that she really believes it. She builds you up even when inside she’s trembling, fearful, and feels like she is falling down. She truly wants the best for you, even when she’s struggling to believe the best about herself. Do you know her yet? I do.

She is so mean. She is doubtful. She is scared, and her fear causes her to think bad thoughts, her anxiety causes her to lash out. She is on the attack, and her victim is herself. She tells herself she could have done better, she should have done better. She criticizes herself for not giving enough, working enough, being enough. All her problems could be solved, if only she would try harder. Or so she tells herself. Do you know her yet? I think that you might.

Every problem she can’t solve she takes personally. Every person she couldn’t help makes her feel like a failure. She chastises herself, belittles herself, doubts herself. She is her own worst enemy.

Her failures loom over her, like an unclimbable mountain, and she feels small in the shadow of it. She feels lonely, she feels despondency, she feels hurt. She hides it well.

She’s the one who looks on the bright side for you, but forgets to do so for herself. She’s the one who will give you the shirt off her back, then berate herself for not having enough to give you two. She’s the one who loves to give, but is so afraid to take, the one who offers encouragement, and seems so upbeat that no one thinks to offer it back. She is so busy building a better world for those she cares about that she has forgotten her own world needs upkeep too, and her walls are crumbling in disrepair. Do you know her, yet? I know you do. And she needs you.

While she is busy helping, smiling, working hard for others, while she is busy critiquing, and fighting herself, the lies begin to roll in. They start to tumble around in her brain, a whisper here that her effort isn’t good enough, the tug here, that tells her she could of done more, the idea that everything she is experiencing, whether it be financial, or with her family, or with her health, her fertility, her friends, her life, is her own doing, her own fault. The devil lies to her, tells her she will fail, she is useless, she is broken, she is nothing. She starts to believe it, because sometimes the bad things are easier to believe about herself, when there is nobody in her corner fighting to tell her otherwise.

Do you know this sweet, beautiful, positive, fearful, hateful, negative girl? You do. I know you do.

She could be your wife. She could be your mother. She could be your sister, your daughter, your cousin, your very best friend. Or she could be you. Is she your loved one? Take a close look. Is she you? Are you that sweetheart who is mean to yourself?

She was me. Sometimes she still is. Fighting yourself can be the hardest battle you will ever face. Fighting the negative thoughts, the anxiety, the lies of the ultimate liar, it’s a war that you do not have to fight alone.

The enemy likes to isolate you, make you feel afraid, tell you that you aren’t good enough. Isolation makes you weak, makes you an easy target. When you spend so much time making things easier for others and you forget about yourself, you become a victim of Satan’s antagonistic cruelty. He wants to cause fear, doubt and anxiety, because if he can get you so alone, he might just stop everything good that you are, the good you do, and every good thing that God has planned for you. The liar wants to stop all the happy, all the good, all the hope that is in you, or if not you, that is in her, that girl that I just know you know.

You won’t let him. You will win! You know why? You have God on your side. You have the love of others, the love for others on your side. You will win! You will win with one positive thought, one positive prayer at a time.

I encourage you to pray. Pray for yourself. Pray for the girl you know, be it you, or someone else. Speak positively about yourself. Go ahead. Try it now. Say something sweet, something you would normally say to another, and speak it to yourself. Or perhaps, look around. Look to see that girl, that really bright eyed girl, the one who just complimented you? That just offered encouragement as she always does? Go head and speak some positivity to her. Tell her she’s pretty, or she is amazing at what she does, and when she tries to brush it off, do not let her. Ask her about herself, and listen. Truly listen. Sometimes, often times, there is way more than meets the eye. Little miss sunshine, the one who always seems so put together? She might just be riding the worst storm of her life. You could be her rainbow. I’m totally serious.

I am that girl. I also know a few of those girls. The women who are warriors for everyone but themselves. They get things done. They comfort, love and protect everybody but themselves, and they need help too. Be their rainbow.

Talk to God. Ask Him to help you see yourself the way you see others. Ask Him to encourage the encouragers in your life. Ask Him to battle for you, for others who need a champion in the war they fight with themselves. Ask Him for a rainbow, or to be a rainbow. Ask Him to help that really sweet, mean girl. To save her from herself. Ask and you shall receive.

It took a long time for me to learn to encourage myself. It took a lot of prayers, and a few rainbow people that God put in my path. It took a lot of battles with the enemy to stop believing the lies about myself, and sometimes it is still a battle, but I battle on my knees, and I have won, and I will continue to win.

As I learn to look at myself the way God does, a new woman begins to shine forth, and as she shines, she can do more for others, offer more to others, give more love to others, because that is what she was built to do.

So love “that girl” you know. That really nice, mean one. Love her to pieces if you know her, love all the hurt out of her, even if she is you.

God bless, and don’t forget to follow me on Instagram @humblegirl1111 or Facebook at Nay Towell, so that maybe we can encourage each other.

Nay Towell

But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.
Job 16:5

You, Lord , hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,
Psalm 10:17

Awake, and rise to my defense! Contend for me, my God and Lord.
Psalm 35:23

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Proverbs 16:24

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
Isaiah 58:8

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5 thoughts on “That Really Nice Mean Girl

  1. This is so beautiful! The title caught my attention off of the Reader but your style of writing drew me in, wondering about that girl and then I was struck as I recognized that I have been the one you wrote about. I’m learning not to be, but yes, it can be a struggle when you want to be kind to everyone to remember that you are someone too. Thanks for sharing this! I would love to repost it on my blog sometime if you don’t mind. Keep up the great work! It IS making an impact! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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